First Party

Dear Family & Friends,

Life goes on and continues to be full of milestones, tears, bravery, pain, feelings of hopelessness, talk of giving up, smiles and determination. Sometimes all in one day!

Still most days pass much the same as they do for most of us -- quickly and without a lot to remark on. Allie still hates and fears the daily process of transferring her from her bed to her chair and back. We use a sling that we slip under her while we roll her from side to side, and then hoist her up with a hydraulic lift and hopefully place her neatly in her chair so that we don't have to adjust her much once she's in it. Transfers almost always go smoothly and when I ask her why she still worries so much, she reminds me that she broke her neck and is paralyzed. I suppose that says it all.

The transfer still takes two of us mostly because she needs her head and tubes held. Once her muscles in her neck are strong, I'm confident I will be able to move her around by myself. Several of her friends are quite proficient at helping me, Uncle Doug comes on Tuesdays, Auntie Vicky every other Thursday, so even if Ron and Adam are both out, it's a rare day someone is not here to help.

Sadness still greets Allie most mornings when I wake her. The worst though is a night or very early morning when she experiences an anxiety attack which is usually brought on when she feels she cannot breathe. Sometimes it's related to vent or secretion issues, but often it is something I suspect only someone in her situation would understand. Lately, she has had severe drops in her blood pressure when she sits up in bed to eat, which makes for an even tougher way to begin the day as she needs to be lowered and raised several times to get through her meal.

Seven months has passed since Allie's injury. She is very discouraged that she sees/feels no improvement in her condition. Those of us that saw her those first few months beg to differ. Of course she remembers little of that time and only knows that she still can't breathe, still can't move or feel anything other than pain.

Although, I remind her constantly of the improved health and amazing healing that I see, it is not what she is looking for. I remind her and myself how well she is eating, how well surgery scars are vanishing, how bright and clear her eyes are. Those are the signs that give me hope of her amazing potential for recovery.

Still, I am happy to say though, that Allie is getting out more (and me too). We all celebrated the boys (Keenan & Adam's) 18th birthday over sushi and had a great time. We've been out to Don Q's for mexican with Uncle Doug and to Mama Mia's again with Samantha and friends to celebrate her b-day. We've had friends over for bar-b-que and last night Mary and John came over and joined us for Mary's homemade pizza (incredibly yummy). But, recently we had one night that was especialy remarkable. Since Samantha turned 21 a big party was planned to celebrate. The party was at the girls house in Santa Cruz (Michelle, Arezu (sorry sweetie I know I am mispelling your name) & Sam's) and Allie asked me if I thought there was any way she could attend. Samantha is a very special friend and Allie wanted to show her how much she loves her by showing up at her party as a surprise. She knew that Samantha would understand what a big deal this was for Allie.

Ron went to the house to scope it out for ramps, built her two ramps and placed them at the house the day of the party. Thanks Dad! Luckily, for me Kerry dropped by (thanks Kerry) about an hour before Al and I left for the party and we roped her into going with us. When we drove up friends came out and offered their help. Everybody was so happy to see her. This is a pretty big deal since it is the first house, since the accident, that Allie has been in other than ours. Visiting friends is one of the things that Allie misses most. As you might imagine, being in a chair really limits your access to places.

Kerry and I hid out in one of the bedrooms with our glasses of wine while Allie "partied" with her friends. Friends came in to give me hugs and tell me how happy they were when they drove up and saw the ramps, realizing that Allie was either already there or on her way. She had a great time. Someone came in every now and then to let me know she was doing fine and I must confess, I peeked out a few times. It was awesome and I was so relieved to see her smiling and visiting with a house full of friends, some of which she hadn't seen in a long while. I must say it again -- we are blessed with an exceptional group of young people.

Expecting to be there only a couple of hours time flew by and we were shocked to see it was quite late by the time we left. Needless to say Allie and I (out of practice on the late night social scene) were both pretty happy to lay low the next day.

Trips over the hill for Dr's appt.'s are very draining emotionally and physically uncomfortable for Allie. The day after an appointment is one where she experiences an extra amount of neck and back pain. I'm hoping to be able to hook her up with some therapy soon to help strengthen her neck as it does not seem to be improving. Monday she went for a CT scan. Maybe we will hear something new when it has been reviewed.

In the meantime I am thankful for the days that Allie doesn't say "mom I can't do this". I know what my girl is made of. I saw the smile on her face as she did her best to talk with her friends at the party and show them she's still the same Allie inside. I hear her say thank you and smile when someone shows her special consideration when we are dining out. I watch her tough it out through some difficult procedure. I hear her tell me that she's pleased to see that her injury has brought our extended family together.

Allie will turn twenty next month. She will be leaving her teens more dependent than she entered them, with even bigger more profound questions, along with some answers and a view of and understanding of life few 20 year olds ever have. I pray as she learns and conquers, the recovery will come. Until then we cherish visits from friends and family, venturing out, your fantastic meals (and too many great desserts :)).

We love and appreciate you all more than you will ever know. They say it takes a village to raise a child, I say it takes a valley to raise amazing ones.

Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah