Is there truly any subsitute for a hug?

Dear Family & Friends,

First I must apologize for taking so long to get caught up...our internet has been down. Thanks to my sister, Victoria who came to visit today, it is up and running again. Who knew she was so savvy at these things!!

So, should I start out by talking about how well Allie is doing medically (for the most part)? She looks great. She's eating two to three meals a day and with the exception of one very frightening episode a few days ago, has been relatively stable with regard to her blood pressure. During a transfer from bed to chair Ron, Adam and I watched her face go pale and for a very brief but scary time she took on that blank stare which I know all to well is her passing out. Thank God it was brief and after "bagging" her for some extra big breaths and getting her back to bed for a few minutes we were able to help her into her chair for an incident free afternoon.

Friends continue to come by and spend time with her which is all she lives for right now. How blessed we are to have such wonderful people surrounding us. Other than a couple doctor's appts. and one fun trip to the pre-school Allie has not left the house. Hopefully, we will venture out soon to have dinner or see a movie. We still have the rental van which is a terrible financial drain but Allie would feel even more isolated and unsafe without it. We've purchased a van and hope to have it here the first week of September.

Maybe I should only talk about the good stuff but that would be very dishonest and misleading. Maybe that is what people want to hear, I'm not sure but you've all been way to loving and supportive, I think for that.

The truth is that Allie's sadness, feelings of loss and grief is so deep that there are times I fear I will start crying and never stop. By the time we are my age, we've all experienced loss of someone we love. This is so very different. When you lose someone you love you never forget them or the pain you feel when they first go away. Time however does ease that pain. I worry that this pain will not ever go away. Every morning Allie wakes up to a body that will not move no matter how hard she tries to make it. She cries. We talk about the future. I try and assure her that it will get better. It will not always be like this. Her path is a different one she envisioned before the accident but doesn't necessarily have to be a bad one.

Yesterday, Allie cried for the burden she thinks she has created for the family. She worries we will lose our house. She worries her friends will forget her and stop coming around. She worries I will become too old to care for her. She worries she will not recover. She worries that her friends are upset by her loss and that she cannot even give them a hug to make them feel better. Today she had to say goodbye to Haley who is off to college in San Diego. This is a most difficult time as friends return to school.

She wants to be able to comfort, say goodbye and hello to her friends with a hug her body will not enable her to give. She knows the power of a hug. My daughter is worried she can't comfort others! I try and tell her that a hug can be given with words and the look in a persons eyes. I might be lying to her. I'm not sure there is a subsitute for a hug. I lay down with her, wrap my arms around her and get as close as I can. Cheek to cheek I promise her it will get better. It will. She will have miraculous recovery. We will settle for nothing less.

Thank you for your prayers, unbelievable financial donations, incredible meals and friendships.

Prayers to Jerry, Ian and Connor for continued recovery.

We love you all.

Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah