Things you never want to hear

Dear Family & Friends,

Your daughter is a very sick girl....she has broken at least one vertebra in her neck, probably more...she has been unconscious since arriving....it does not look good....one of your daughter's vertebral arteries has been damaged beyond repair and unless we can stop the bleeding as soon as possible, your daughter will not make it....your daughter is paralyzed from the chin down....your daughter is unable to breathe on her own and is dependent on a ventilator....

The first few days after Allie's accident was truly the worst nightmare. To be honest, I have never even imagined anything as horrible happening to someone I love so much. And although we have had major ups and downs since then, I now have another string of just a few words that will forever be burned into that place in my heart and mind that come back to haunt me on a regular basis.

In my last post, I touched on some breathing issues that Allie was having. Unlike the trachea problems she's had in the past this new problem resembled asthma attacks.

We did our best to remove whatever might be triggering the episodes. We had an enhaler. We changed lotion, soap, laundry detergent, removed all feathers, flowers, down and anything we thought might harbor dust from her room. I began researching room filters.

The episodes would come and go. Some days she would be fine and some she'd have an "attack" two or three times in a day. One night the wheezing began and we could do nothing to eleviate it. It wasn't going away. Her chest pain was terrible and we couldn't properly vent her. It became increasingly more difficult for her to breathe in, and exhale. We called for an ambulance. While dad, Auntie Vicky and I took turns staying with Al and getting ready for yet another trip to the hospital, she passed out. When she "came to" shortly before the ambulance arrived she was pretty unaware of her surroundings and certainly not herself but her color was good and although she was confused, I could tell she was okay. Adam, Samantha and Ashley had all heard about the 911 call and had arrived at the house to see Allie briefly and tell her they loved her, as we wheeled her into the ambulance. During the ride to the hospital she told me she was going to pass out. While I assured her she was fine and to please just relax I saw her face freeze and drain of all color. I heard the medic riding with us say "beginning CPR" as she responded immediately. Actually, it could have been "starting CPR" I'm really not sure. All I know is I had to push away the feeling of doom. I was so scared. One of our friends from Felton fire had come along with us and she also got busy. I continued to give Allie breaths from the ambu bag while the medic did for her what Allie's body couldn't. This time Allie's heart had completely stopped. They tell me it was four minutes. By the time we arrived at Dominican ER Allie's heart had begun beating on its own but Allie was out of it.

So began an agonizing 5 or 6 hours in the ER. Upon my insistence a Pulmonologist was called in to see her and if not for him, I don't think Al would have made it. Then to ICU while we waited for a bed to open at Kaiser Santa Clara. It was probably about 24 hours or so before we knew that other than a very badly bitten tongue and once again no memory from about five hours or so before the episode began, thanks to the CPR Allie received, Allie was still our Allie. So after another stay in the hospital where she received massive doses of steroids and antibiotics, the wheezing seemed to be gone.

The valley lost one of its long time and popular residents this year, Al Rudy, Samantha's grandpa. We had only been out of the hospital for a day and a half when Allie found out that morning that his memorial service was to take place in a couple of hours. She was determined to go be there for her friend and her family...."it's important mom". That morning I happened to have a stiff neck, and absolutely no energy and saw no way we could do all we had to do to be up and out of the house in time. Kath came by to do Allie's range of motion and called in Talley to help. Between the two of them...Talley massaged the biggest knots out of my neck so that I could hold my head upright and Kath started to get Al ready. While I got myself ready, Talley did Allie's hair and makeup. Thanks ladies. You made the impossible, possible! And thanks to Adam for going along with us to help out. The outing exhausted Allie, but she was so glad she had gone and I was incredibly proud of her. The way she can rally strength for friends or to do the right thing, never ceases to amaze me.

Thank you also to Deb Mattson (my long-time friend *look for her office on HWY 9 in Felton if you are interested in an awesome massage*) for making a housecall, the following day (on a Sunday no less) to continue working on the knots in my neck. Also, thank you to my brother Douglas for adjusting my neck and back. You'd think I'd be use to those ICU "bed chairs" by now, but that visit really took a toll on me!

To make yet another long story short our time at home didn't last. Allie's wheezing began again. Dad, Auntie Sandi and I took her in to see her Pulmonologist and he admitted her back into ICU that afternoon. He had been on vacation during her last stay and his approach to her treatment was different. Another five days and we were home once again. The new meds seem to be working.

Thankfully the last couple of weeks have been pretty uneventful. Mostly, Allie still spends her afternoons sitting outside on her deck enjoying the beautiful weather as much as she can until the sun moves away and she gets chilly. We have to wait all over again for all the approvals to go through for her therapy and since the first week of her online cabrillo class was spent in the hospital, she decided to drop it for now. The boredom sometimes I think is unbearable for her, but still much better than the "excitement" of the emergent health issues she seems to be unable to move away from.

We get out of the house as much as Allie is willing, but she continues to be sad and uncomfortable when we venture out. Most people are great, but some people cannot seem to help but stare. We did attend a Candle Lite Party hosted by our friends Denise and Bianca. It was a great time spent with friends and family and also a fundraiser for Allie. Thanks Denise for such a generous and thoughtful gift and thank you to all of you that attended.

I guess that's about all for now. I continue to be thankful for our beautiful comfortable home in "paradise". We know we have the best family and friends anyone could ever have. Regular visits from my brother and sisters mean so much to all of us and keep us going. Kerry, Kathy, Wendy, Susan & Tricia (among others) are always here for us helping with the practical, the fun times, as well as moral support. Thank you to Matt and Auntie Pam for their recent and very generous donations to Allie's trust. A giant thank you to my sisters (especially Auntie Vicky) for all the meals while we were in the hospital so that Ron and I could enjoy an occasional dinner break together, outside the room in the hospital courtyard. Thank you to all of you that continue to bring us those awesome meals (in spite of my insistence that you've already done more than enough).

A special thank you to my brother-in-law, Douglas for the new dishwasher!! I could have done without, but am so happy not to have to.

Please continue to pray for Allie's physical as well as emotional strength and recovery. It seems increasingly clear that it is critical for her to be able to experience some significant improvement in her condition soon, in order for her to have any peace of mind.

Hopefully, next post I will have some good news to share!!!!!!!!!

Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah