Dear Family & Friends,
Well, apparently I'm not that good at keeping some promises since I did promise I would update the blog soon....I know it has been a long time since my last post. Ron tells me all the time that people constantly ask about Allie and whether I will be updating the blog soon and we still get the occasional message requesting an update so, here I am.
In September our daughter Anjel's long awaited wedding took place. What an awesome party! She of course was the most stunningly gorgeous bride ever! Her groom, John wasn't bad either :). I can't tell you how much this happy event meant to my family. It was long overdue to have such an amazing event to celebrate with all our family and many of our closest friends. It was a three-day long event beginning with the rehearsal dinner the previous night, the wedding of the century :) and the day following the wedding spent drinking champagne on a touring bus while visiting a few of the finest wineries. Honestly, my jaws hurt from smiling so much. The last time I remember having been so happy and having so much fun, was when Ron and I were married nearly 25 years ago. The wedding was in Livermore so we took the motorhome. Ron and Adam stayed in the hotel room and we were literally parked right next to their window. We were able to hook up to power and had our own little area with lawn for the dogs. The set-up was much better than I had hoped for. All of the wedding party most of our family and many of the guests stayed at the hotel as well, so it felt like we owned the place! Jordan came along with us and stayed with Allie and I in the motorhome. Her presence really helped to make an incredible yet very challenging trip successful. She was Allie's constant companion allowing me to spend some quality time with Anjel, which I will be forever grateful This was the longest time Allie had spent in the motorhome and although she does have a good full-size adjustable bed, it has only an air inflated overlay opposed to the top-of-the-line programmable mattress she has at home. She is never quite as comfortable away from home but she was a great sport and did little complaining.
Allie was absolutely beautiful as one of 7 bridesmaids in purple. She decided to have Adam escort her so that she wouldn't have her chair controls in front of her face. My handsome son in his tux and she in her pretty dress, they made quite the pair. All I know is that everyone around me was so touched that they were crying nearly as much as I was. When Ron walked Anjel down, well it was almost more than I could take! It's a good thing I only have two daughters this wedding stuff is emotionally exhausting (in a good way though)!
It was a very long few days for Allie. And as always events/times like these can be a mixed bag as they remind Allie of her many restrictions. With the help of Jordan and her aunties and the love and support of her uncles, cousins and friends she handled it all like the extraordinary young woman she is.
I guess the biggest news is that I am back to working over the hill. Ron is limiting jobs to those close to home, to be here in the afternoons to help Marsha get Allie up, since it still takes two. It has been a MAJOR adjustment for both me and Allie. We miss each other and she worries a little about my being on the road so much. As for me, I am happy to say that I feel very good about working and know that she is in good hands and safe at home. Things have come a long way since the days when I couldn't go to the grocery store without that feeling of panic or tears because I felt so sad leaving her, not to mention her fear of being without me for any period of time. I'm still caring for her at night which makes getting up in the am a bit tough, but she's made a huge effort to wake me fewer times so we are getting it done.
That's where I left off when I began to get you all up to date. December was a wonderful month for Allie. She pushed herself more than ever. She had a huge party for her birthday at our house (thank you to Kerry and Brianna for all your work to make it happen). Everyone had an awesome time, including some of us old people that got to join in the dancing and fun! She made it with the help of Ashley and Mike to attend another Coffis Brothers Concert and she had a blast on New Years Eve partying with friends at Christopher's house.
On Thursday, January 17th Marsha and Auntie Vicky took Al to get her eyebrows done. It was a beautiful sunny day and she asked to sit out in the sun in front of the salon before going home. She wasn't feeling great but she was happy to be able to feel the sun on her face. Before I got home, she was feeling lousy enough to ask her Auntie and Dad to help her to bed. She was sick all night and because I had had the flu, I figured I had given it to her. So, I wasn't overly concerned. The next morning I went to work. I couldn't concentrate. I was worried about Allie. I called Marsha and she agreed that it would be a good idea if I came home. Allie's abdomen was pretty distended by the time I got there. We decided that she had to go to the hospital and find out what was going on. We got stuff packed. We called for the ambulance when we were ready to go. I rode with Allie and Marsha followed in her car.
We arrived at Dominican ER at about 1:30 pm. Being familiar with us, the doctor was great and said that it was likely that Allie had some sort of blockage that was causing the distension. She had an xray that confirmed a blockage of some kind. A CT Scan was ordered. Another doctor was called in. Maybe it was my imagination but during the scan, I thought I heard a very small gasp from the Tech. When we wheeled out and I turned to thank the Tech I noticed she said your welcome with her eyes averted. Both these things could have been my imagination. Still, my insides started to feel a little sick.
Soon after, the doctor came to Allie's room and asked me if I had a minute to talk. We left Allie with her nurse (she was great and I felt fine leaving Allie alone with her for a few minutes). The doctor began by asking me about who I lived with (another red flag). He said that he imagined that we'd been through a lot and that he knew Allie had been in the ER quite a few times. I said yes. Allie had survived many close calls and set-backs. He told me that she was not going to survive this one. He explained what was going on and handed me the CT Scan report. Those few internal organs of Allie's that were still functioning were quickly shutting down. If it weren't for Allie's spinal cord injury she would be in unbearable pain. The blessing of the curse. This could have been slowly happening since surgeries after her injury (infarctions are most often caused from scar tissue). She had no way of telling us and we had no way of knowing. There had been no indications that anything was wrong.
In the past when doctors told me things I didn't want to hear, I knew somehow that we'd get through it, that she would make it, that I'd be taking her home. This time, I knew that what he was telling me was going to come true. We were going to lose her.
I asked him how long we had. He told me it could be a few hours or a few days. I asked him which he thought was more likely. He didn't want to predict but thought it would more likely be hours than days. We walked back to Allie's room.
As soon as we walked in she looked at me and asked me what was wrong. I told Allie that we had really bad news. She asked me "how bad?" I told her "the worst kind of bad baby". The doctor explained to Allie what exactly was happening. She took it in. She asked questions. He answered them all as best he could. He explained to her all her options. She decided she wanted to stay at Dominican (opposed to transferring to Kaiser) to be closer to her friends. She wanted to be alert as long as possible so she could enjoy visitors. She only wanted pain medication if it was absolutely necessary.
How could this be happening? How could she, my princess of only 23 years old, be having this discussion? She was so calm. When the doctor left, Allie told me to start asking her questions. I know there are more things I need to talk about and decide, she said. So, I asked questions and she gave me the answers. She never asked why me, she never said it's not fair or told me she was scared or angry. She asked me if I was going to be okay. She told me how she'd always heard that losing a child is the worst possible thing a person could ever go through. She knew she was dying and her biggest concern was me!
I called Ron and told him to come. He could tell by the tone of my voice that something was very wrong. I heard his voice crack. I heard the sound of fear and panic. He couldn't wait until he got to the hospital, I had to tell him over the phone. I called Marsha and she said she was on her way. I called my sister and asked her to make the calls to the family. I began calling Allie's many friends.
When the hospital told me that she could have as many visitors as she wanted, I questioned whether they understood how many people that might be. She can have as many as she wants, they told me. I am happy to say that the staff at Dominican was wonderful and stayed true to their promise.
People began arriving almost immediately. Within the hour her room (two ER Rooms opened up together) was full. Samantha, Scotty, Nick and Peggy were in Tahoe when they got the call, and jumped in the car and headed for the hospital. Lindsey and Haley had to make the drive from LA. Allie's cousins were in Tahoe, my brother and his family were down south. Everybody came as soon as they could.
If Allie were 105 I don't think she could have demonstrated more maturity, grace and bravery than she did that day. She spent time with each friend asking if there was something special of hers that they would like to have, to remember her by. She joked, teased and was her usual bossy smart-ass self. We cried. She kept it together. Allie had asked me to let her friends stay as long as possible until I thought the time was close and then she wanted to be with her family. I don't remember what time I asked everyone to go. They didn't want to leave. Nobody wanted to say goodbye. By the time it was just us, Allie was pretty weak and sleepy. We stayed close. We re-assured her. We thanked her for hanging in there for us for so long even though ever since the accident she had been so unhappy. We told her how much we loved her. Allie died at around 5 am.
Later that day, the doctor called and asked me if I would share with him the way things went after he left. I did. He told me that Allie's experience in those last hours was something that just never happens. We in the medical field never see anything like it. We have to create a cloud for most in the end. Allie created her own. It's a story that should be told, he said.
Six days later we celebrated Allie with the party she requested and I think would have been very pleased, impressed and shocked by. Over 500 people came to laugh, cry and share stories of Allie. They toasted her with shots of Patron, drinking from a straw the way she had since the accident. They comforted us and we did our best to comfort them. The girls put together posters and mounted pictures on canvas for the walls. They brought decorated candles. A team of mom's (Susan, Laura, Phyllis, Rosalie, Katie, Pam, Kerry, etc.) got together and saw to it that there were tables full of food. The Coffis Brothers came to play music. Scott Kruger all the way from Argentina scrambled to produce an amazing video from the tons of pics that we all gathered. Kerry and Brianna took on the task of scanning them all and sending them to him, along with our playlist. Scott could not have done a better job putting it all together. The finished product is a touching and very moving representation of Allie's all too short but full life. With Mike's added last minute help we got it up just in time for the party. It will forever be one of my greatest treasures! Phyllis and Michelle had cards made with Allie's picture and a couple of her favorite sayings printed on it for people to take with them. They had special candles made with her picture. The hall was beautiful with the many arrangements of gorgeous flowers that had been delivered.
Many got up to speak. A common theme being Allie's uncommon courage and strength. She was feisty. She was fun to be around. She loved her family and friends with a passion. She tested every one's patience. She expected the most from herself and those around her. She was a best friend to many. She was an energetic bright light with a profound sense of instinct and understanding. She was wise beyond her years. She was dearly and deeply loved and will be forever missed.
Allie taught us all so much in her last few years. Watching her persevere taught us to have an appreciation for things we had previously given little thought to. Ashley shared with me her thoughts that although Allie was never able to obtain that teaching degree she had wanted, she turned out to be one of the greatest teachers ever.
Ron, Adam, Anjel, Alonzo and I have received over 100 cards and letters in the mail. In 23 short years, Allie touched more people in a positive way than most of us, regardless of how long we live, could ever hope to. She brought an already close extended family even closer and an entire community closer.
As for me, Allie showed me that along with my fighting and often stubborn spirit lies a patience and calm, I didn't know I had. Living the life we had post-injury taught me that receiving with grace can demonstrate as much, if not more, strength as giving. I learned the impact that simply being kind has on us all. I learned how much better I feel when I let go of the uselessness of anger. I learned that an unwise person bases success on how much they make or have, instead of how much they are willing to give up for others or how much others are willing to give up for them. I discovered how a broken heart can slowly begin to heal by gardening, running your horse down the beach, seeing a rare smile on your daughter's face or hearing her laugh. My baby girl's struggles as a result of the accident, may have broken my heart, but the sudden loss of her blasted a hole in it. There is a huge hole in my heart and I don't expect it to ever fill in. I promised Allie that I would be okay and that is a promise I will do my best to keep. Fortunately, I am surrounded by the gifts that Allie left behind. The new friendships that have been forged are many and mighty. The friendships that already existed even stronger now.
The pain Ron and I feel is so deep, so sharp. I now know what "to the depths of my soul" means, because that's how deep it hurts. We miss our girl every day even though we know she's still with us and always will be. We are grateful for the years we had her with us here on earth. We always knew she was special, that her life would be remarkable.
DO NOT FEAR DEATH FEAR NOT LIVING
LIVE THE LIFE YOU LOVE, LOVE THE LIFE YOU LIVE
Ron and I thank you all for the support, faith, kindness and love that you have showered us with. There have been so many of you there for us in so many different ways. I wish I could name you all but the list would go on and on and would never be complete. Hopefully, you know who you are. We've been held up by our closest family and friends that were a constant in our home and our hearts, as well as the strangers who showed kindness and generosity to Allie and us in so many different ways...thank you.
Love, Peace & Happiness
-Deborah
April 2, 2013
ALEXANDRIA ANN POMIANOWSKI
12/21/1989 - 1/19/2013
Allie
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Jerry
Dear Friends & Family,
I think it was in the last blog that I said something about some families having it easier and some more difficult. Well, there is a family in our valley right now that is experiencing what may be one of the most difficult situations imaginable. For those of you that don't know of Jerry McCallister, he is a young man that went to school with Allie. He like Allie was paralyzed as the result of an accident. His spinal injury was lower than Allie's so while not on a ventilator he was bound to his chair and has had to suffer all the loss and grief that such a condition brings. His mom, Katie was one of the first to reach out to me with her encouragement and support. We became friends and I've come to respect and care very much about her. She in fact was the one who created this blog for us to communicate with you all, while Allie was still in the hospital.
Around a week and a half ago due to a drug interaction, Jerry suffered from a high fever resulting in several seizures and is currently in the hospital in a semi-comatose state. There is a real fear that he may have suffered some, un-known as yet, level of brain damage. My heart breaks to know the pain his family must be going through right now. So, I ask you all to please think of Jerry and pray that he looks at his mom and tells her he loves her by Mother's Day. Pray that his transfer to SCVM is approved so he can get the care he needs. Pray for Katie and the family's continued strength.
Allie is doing well. This past weekend she was able to attend a party with Brianna at Sam & Nick's thanks to her Aunties' who helped her get ready and dropped her off. I was south of Salinas for a few days horse camping with friends. Riding on a HUGE gorgeous cattle ranch. Thanks again to Auntie Vicki, Marquerite, Auntie Pam and as always Marsha for making this weekend possible for me to get away and for Allie to have a great experience without mom around.
I am so thankful for Allie's current healthy state. It is all to obvious how vulnerable she is and yet, I am encouraged by her strong constitution and the love and support of all of you. I'd like to say more when I've more time. Mostly, just wanted to ask you all to think of Jerry. It does make a powerful difference!
Thank you for your interest in Allie's progress. I promise I will write more soon.
Love, Peace & Happiness, Deborah
I think it was in the last blog that I said something about some families having it easier and some more difficult. Well, there is a family in our valley right now that is experiencing what may be one of the most difficult situations imaginable. For those of you that don't know of Jerry McCallister, he is a young man that went to school with Allie. He like Allie was paralyzed as the result of an accident. His spinal injury was lower than Allie's so while not on a ventilator he was bound to his chair and has had to suffer all the loss and grief that such a condition brings. His mom, Katie was one of the first to reach out to me with her encouragement and support. We became friends and I've come to respect and care very much about her. She in fact was the one who created this blog for us to communicate with you all, while Allie was still in the hospital.
Around a week and a half ago due to a drug interaction, Jerry suffered from a high fever resulting in several seizures and is currently in the hospital in a semi-comatose state. There is a real fear that he may have suffered some, un-known as yet, level of brain damage. My heart breaks to know the pain his family must be going through right now. So, I ask you all to please think of Jerry and pray that he looks at his mom and tells her he loves her by Mother's Day. Pray that his transfer to SCVM is approved so he can get the care he needs. Pray for Katie and the family's continued strength.
Allie is doing well. This past weekend she was able to attend a party with Brianna at Sam & Nick's thanks to her Aunties' who helped her get ready and dropped her off. I was south of Salinas for a few days horse camping with friends. Riding on a HUGE gorgeous cattle ranch. Thanks again to Auntie Vicki, Marquerite, Auntie Pam and as always Marsha for making this weekend possible for me to get away and for Allie to have a great experience without mom around.
I am so thankful for Allie's current healthy state. It is all to obvious how vulnerable she is and yet, I am encouraged by her strong constitution and the love and support of all of you. I'd like to say more when I've more time. Mostly, just wanted to ask you all to think of Jerry. It does make a powerful difference!
Thank you for your interest in Allie's progress. I promise I will write more soon.
Love, Peace & Happiness, Deborah
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Happy 2012!
Hi Everyone and Happy New Year!!
Yes, I know it has been quite a while. As usual, summer came and went all too quickly for us. The change in weather moved Allie inside where she spends her days beating us at scrabble, using her laptop to catch up with friends on Facebook, do research, play games or enjoy a cherished visit from a friend. She's wrestling a bit with the winter blues but is happy that although it is usually too cold for her to go out most days she can see and feel the sunlight by sitting close to the glass sliding doors in the dining room. Which by the way, she has figured out (by using the foot pads on her chair) how to open and close to let the dogs in and out!
This year for the first time since Al's injury we were able to make the customary trip to Auntie Pam and Uncle Rod's in Shingle Springs for Thanksgiving. Since we took the motorhome Allie was able to comfortably stay for a couple of nights and make the most of the visit with her cousins. Thanks very much to my sister and brother-in-law for making their home wheelchair accessible. Our best KOA yet:)
In December Allie celebrated her 22nd birthday at a party at home with a small group of her closest friends. Her confidence and comfort at social events continuing to grow slowly. She's always so appreciative of any opportunity to attend a party, dine out with friends, go listen to music, have a friend over for a movie night or a visit from cousins Latasha or Eric. Lately, Allison's been coming over on Wednesdays and she and Allie have been having Twilight marathons. It's great when Allie has something to look forward to on a regular basis. On the downside, it is next to impossible for her to avoid the inevitable comparisons. For everything she misses due to inaccessiblity, time restrictions, special medical needs and people's fears.
Allie's new year's resolution was to wean herself completely off her nerve pain medication. She accomplished this ahead of schedule in December. She's still haunted by frequent nerve pain but because the meds do not rid her of the pain completely, she feels better for having fewer drugs in her body. Her determination and strength is truly admirable.
We are quickly approaching the three-year mark since that morning in April when all our plans and expectations for the future, our life as we knew it, was sent crashing off its path as violently as the car Allie was driving. Things become easier though, things get better and we adjust. We've gone from living second to second, minute to minute, day to day, week to week and now the months seem to fly by. Sure there are the occasional scares. Ventilator mis-functions, stubborn secretions that don't allow Allie to get a breath. Blood pressure drops that are accompanied by the all too familiar statements "Mom I can't see, I can't hear, I'm gonna pass out" and the many other dangers that are the result of a spinal injury. Still, Allie has beat the odds so many times that my mind can only accept her future as one full of miraculous recovery. We will never give up believing that Allie will take her own breaths free of the machine she depends on now. She will feel the ground beneath her feet when she walks and hug those she loves with her arms. I'm afraid it may take longer than originally thought. I assure her she has time. She's only 22! And if there is anybody out there listening that is working on the cure for those suffering as Allie is, we thank you and we beg you to not give up and if it's not too much to ask ....please keep my girl in mind.
The best and most exciting news we've all had in a long time is that there is a wedding in our future. Our daughter Anjel is soon to be the most beautiful of all brides. She and her finance, John (whom we all love and think of as a family member already) became engaged this summer and will be married in September. Plans are underway and we've had a blast shopping for bridesmaid dresses and shoes, the mother of the bride dress, and most importantly, the perfect wedding gown. Such fun. Allie will participate as one of seven bridesmaids and has been busy participating in all the plans. It will be a three-day event including a rehearsal lunch the day before the wedding and a wine tasting outing the day after. Once again the motorhome will allow Allie's participation in this three-day event.
So, as you can see life goes on. Some families have it easier, some have it more difficult. I wouldn't say that Allie is happy or content. I will say that she's adjusting.
Our biggest blessing continues and will always be that we have the most amazing family and group of friends anyone could ever even imagine. I am stubborn and sometimes overly confident maybe, but even I admit that this is too much for us to go through alone. When emotions get close to the breaking point there is always someone to help us through. When we celebrate, there is always someone to help us make the most of the celebration!
I recently had an unexpected stay in the hospital and when I got home needed quite a bit of help. A giant and special thank you to my sister, Victoria for stepping up and totally taking over responsibility of Allie's special needs (at the expense of many nights sleep). Vic with help from Pam, Marquerite, Marsha, Tricia, my brother Doug, Anjel, Adam and Ron, Allie was very well taken care of! I never worried knowing that Allie was in the most loving and capable hands possible. For her though this was an especially challenging time since she was not only worried about me, but for the first time had to depend on several others for an extended period of time. She did so with patience, bravery and grace. I'm so proud of her. Thank you for the cards, gifts, and get well wishes and to Susan, Rosalie, Kathi, Nancy, my brother Richard, Sis Sandra, Annie and Kerry for your get well visits. And most of all thank you to my husband for taking such good care of me:)
We love you all and are oh so very grateful for your support. Thanks for your continuing interest in my girl's progress. Please remember her in your prayers.
Love, Peace & Happiness
Deborah
Yes, I know it has been quite a while. As usual, summer came and went all too quickly for us. The change in weather moved Allie inside where she spends her days beating us at scrabble, using her laptop to catch up with friends on Facebook, do research, play games or enjoy a cherished visit from a friend. She's wrestling a bit with the winter blues but is happy that although it is usually too cold for her to go out most days she can see and feel the sunlight by sitting close to the glass sliding doors in the dining room. Which by the way, she has figured out (by using the foot pads on her chair) how to open and close to let the dogs in and out!
This year for the first time since Al's injury we were able to make the customary trip to Auntie Pam and Uncle Rod's in Shingle Springs for Thanksgiving. Since we took the motorhome Allie was able to comfortably stay for a couple of nights and make the most of the visit with her cousins. Thanks very much to my sister and brother-in-law for making their home wheelchair accessible. Our best KOA yet:)
In December Allie celebrated her 22nd birthday at a party at home with a small group of her closest friends. Her confidence and comfort at social events continuing to grow slowly. She's always so appreciative of any opportunity to attend a party, dine out with friends, go listen to music, have a friend over for a movie night or a visit from cousins Latasha or Eric. Lately, Allison's been coming over on Wednesdays and she and Allie have been having Twilight marathons. It's great when Allie has something to look forward to on a regular basis. On the downside, it is next to impossible for her to avoid the inevitable comparisons. For everything she misses due to inaccessiblity, time restrictions, special medical needs and people's fears.
Allie's new year's resolution was to wean herself completely off her nerve pain medication. She accomplished this ahead of schedule in December. She's still haunted by frequent nerve pain but because the meds do not rid her of the pain completely, she feels better for having fewer drugs in her body. Her determination and strength is truly admirable.
We are quickly approaching the three-year mark since that morning in April when all our plans and expectations for the future, our life as we knew it, was sent crashing off its path as violently as the car Allie was driving. Things become easier though, things get better and we adjust. We've gone from living second to second, minute to minute, day to day, week to week and now the months seem to fly by. Sure there are the occasional scares. Ventilator mis-functions, stubborn secretions that don't allow Allie to get a breath. Blood pressure drops that are accompanied by the all too familiar statements "Mom I can't see, I can't hear, I'm gonna pass out" and the many other dangers that are the result of a spinal injury. Still, Allie has beat the odds so many times that my mind can only accept her future as one full of miraculous recovery. We will never give up believing that Allie will take her own breaths free of the machine she depends on now. She will feel the ground beneath her feet when she walks and hug those she loves with her arms. I'm afraid it may take longer than originally thought. I assure her she has time. She's only 22! And if there is anybody out there listening that is working on the cure for those suffering as Allie is, we thank you and we beg you to not give up and if it's not too much to ask ....please keep my girl in mind.
The best and most exciting news we've all had in a long time is that there is a wedding in our future. Our daughter Anjel is soon to be the most beautiful of all brides. She and her finance, John (whom we all love and think of as a family member already) became engaged this summer and will be married in September. Plans are underway and we've had a blast shopping for bridesmaid dresses and shoes, the mother of the bride dress, and most importantly, the perfect wedding gown. Such fun. Allie will participate as one of seven bridesmaids and has been busy participating in all the plans. It will be a three-day event including a rehearsal lunch the day before the wedding and a wine tasting outing the day after. Once again the motorhome will allow Allie's participation in this three-day event.
So, as you can see life goes on. Some families have it easier, some have it more difficult. I wouldn't say that Allie is happy or content. I will say that she's adjusting.
Our biggest blessing continues and will always be that we have the most amazing family and group of friends anyone could ever even imagine. I am stubborn and sometimes overly confident maybe, but even I admit that this is too much for us to go through alone. When emotions get close to the breaking point there is always someone to help us through. When we celebrate, there is always someone to help us make the most of the celebration!
I recently had an unexpected stay in the hospital and when I got home needed quite a bit of help. A giant and special thank you to my sister, Victoria for stepping up and totally taking over responsibility of Allie's special needs (at the expense of many nights sleep). Vic with help from Pam, Marquerite, Marsha, Tricia, my brother Doug, Anjel, Adam and Ron, Allie was very well taken care of! I never worried knowing that Allie was in the most loving and capable hands possible. For her though this was an especially challenging time since she was not only worried about me, but for the first time had to depend on several others for an extended period of time. She did so with patience, bravery and grace. I'm so proud of her. Thank you for the cards, gifts, and get well wishes and to Susan, Rosalie, Kathi, Nancy, my brother Richard, Sis Sandra, Annie and Kerry for your get well visits. And most of all thank you to my husband for taking such good care of me:)
We love you all and are oh so very grateful for your support. Thanks for your continuing interest in my girl's progress. Please remember her in your prayers.
Love, Peace & Happiness
Deborah
Monday, August 1, 2011
Power Wheels
Dear Family & Friends,
I apologize for the long gap between postings. People have been asking for an update, and please believe us when we say how much we appreciate the loyalty of interest in Allie's progress.
Well at long last Allie's power chair arrived! Before she received full instruction on its operation, she was driving around the house as we followed behind. Wow. Very exciting stuff. As a mom, I can't describe what it feels like after two long years, to see her moving around without help from one of us. She can go out onto the deck or porch without our help, to her computer table or the dining table when she wants to. She can now look in the direction of her interest in stores or the yard without having to ask someone to do it for her. She can tilt back on her own for comfort or a weight shift. In addition to the newly found independence this chair is such a better fit for her and her shoulders no longer rest on bars! It's a pretty amazing thing to see her work this chair. With a "clicker" near her cheek she can change modes and a joystick near her chin she can drive. It's no surprise that she quickly became impatient with my attempts to work the attendant controls to get her in the van and in the right position to hook her chair to the tie downs. She can now do what took me ten minutes in about 3! In my defense....I am not of the joystick generation:)
Allie continues to be physically healthy and has gone out a couple more times on her own, with the help of Jordan and Aurezu. She also went on a lunch date with Christopher with Adam along to help. Like any typical young adult any time out spent with friends is the best time. We've attended a couple college graduation parties and another concert. She is much more relaxed than before at these events and really enjoys herself. Most of her time is still spent at home, but her friends often join us for the occasional shopping, movie, dining out or a trip to get a manicure. They visit when they can and she cherishes the visits. Confident that Allie's condition is so much more stable, I've begun to get out more. More time spent with my husband or out with friends. Thanks to Auntie Vicky, Marsha, Anjel and of course Ron covering for me, I was able to go horse camping with Tricia and company and enjoyed some awesome riding and relaxation. I also spent a weekend with some very special friends for our annual get together. We stayed only minutes away as we did last year, but this year I stayed for both nights. Baby steps maybe, but great progress for both Allie and me. She likes it best when I am home with her. She worries less and is more comfortable. I worry less too. We both know though that it is important to trust others. And we are so very fortunate to have such a wonderful support team. As difficult as it may be sometimes, we both need a breather from one another once in a while.
So many improvements. Life has begun to take on a more positive rythmm of sorts. Can't say the rythmm is quite upbeat maybe not worth dancing too yet. Weekly (sometimes daily) I fight the never-ending fight with the insurance companies, and the vendors, etc. to see that my daughter gets the medical attention and supplies she needs. Currently, the battle is with the company that supplies her vents and some other respiratory equipment. We've been trying to get a suction machine and two portable batteries replaced now for two weeks! Both these items are life sustaining. If her one working suction machine was to suddenly stop working it would mean an immediate trip in an ambulance to an ER. It seems there is no end to these battles.
We are doing all we can to maintain her current healthy state and we continue to see her strength grow slowly. She has a wonderful team of doctors that keep close tabs on her. At home we keep her joints flexible, see she makes it to appts., takes her meds. These things we can easily do for her. We can't give her the thing she wants more than anything though....to breathe on her own, the use of her hands, to walk, to run, to talk above a whisper, to hug. Allie has had too many days lately where she's questioned whether she wants to continue living like this. For Ron and I, hearing this from our child is excruiating. Allie and I fight (like most mothers and daughters do at one time or another). The subject matter however, is not like most mothers and daughters. I feel powerless. I don't do powerless well, so can only imagine how Allie not so unlike me in many ways, copes with her level of disability. She's a fighter, she's tough and stubborn, but still I worry when she gets this down. So I argue, lose my patience, encourage and console. Still, I feel powerless to change how she feels. I cannot give her what she wants right now. We can still...pray, hope, envision her walking and laughing. Send our positive energy to those working on the cure. Stay up to speed on their progress. We know you're getting close. Please hurry.
So we will wait. Her time will come. In the meantime all of us here will do our best to enjoy our spot in paradise, the sunny weather, each other, the love and support of our family and friends. While not quite ready to go back to the rigors of school, Allie is looking into some other ways she can pass some time. She wants so to be "useful" in some way again. She wants to find a way to contribute. I've no doubt she will.
A giant thank you to Uncle Doug P. for the incredible amount of time and attention to detail he spent searching for the right motorhome that could be converted for Allie. Only to then spend an enormous amount more getting all the necessary modifications done for her. It's an incredible vehicle. Without this mode of transportation vacations for her would be virtually impossible. Our family has done a couple successful trial runs. The first with full hook-ups and the second without. There is much to think about and plan for, when one of your family members is dependent on a ventilator and restricted to a wheelchair. The trips were not without their challenges. In the end all went okay and a good time was had. Allie and I even have plans for a girls trip this coming weekend (wish us luck). Ashley, Jordan, Samantha and my friend Rosalie are joining us. Thank you Rosalie for agreeing to be our driver! The RV is a 34 foot Hurricane and the bedroom is fully equipped with a special bed for Al and an overhead lift. The "living room" has a bump-out so there's plenty of room for her to move around inside. It's a really tall lift to get her in the RV but the ramp that was installed is strong and safe. Extra outlets were installed in her room and a closet was removed to allow for an easier transfer from her chair. She's still a bit reluctant because going places sometimes only reminds her of what she can't do instead of what she can. In time we hope as her confidence grows, this will allow her to enjoy many adventures. Thank you again Uncle Doug -- we would have never been able to pull this off without all your help!!! And thank you to Pat and Hank for your assistance as well.
Best wishes to Uncle Doug H. He had surgery today for a leg broken while wake boarding. We love you. Speedy recovery to you. We will miss your Tuesday visits. You are the best. Thank you to Marsha for being such an awesome addition to our Team Allie. Thank you to my sisters for being the most amazing women, supportive sisters, aunts, and sisters-in law. My family is so very thankful for all you do for us. Thank you to all our friends for always being there for us. We love you all.
Thank you for listening. Stay safe.
Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah
I apologize for the long gap between postings. People have been asking for an update, and please believe us when we say how much we appreciate the loyalty of interest in Allie's progress.
Well at long last Allie's power chair arrived! Before she received full instruction on its operation, she was driving around the house as we followed behind. Wow. Very exciting stuff. As a mom, I can't describe what it feels like after two long years, to see her moving around without help from one of us. She can go out onto the deck or porch without our help, to her computer table or the dining table when she wants to. She can now look in the direction of her interest in stores or the yard without having to ask someone to do it for her. She can tilt back on her own for comfort or a weight shift. In addition to the newly found independence this chair is such a better fit for her and her shoulders no longer rest on bars! It's a pretty amazing thing to see her work this chair. With a "clicker" near her cheek she can change modes and a joystick near her chin she can drive. It's no surprise that she quickly became impatient with my attempts to work the attendant controls to get her in the van and in the right position to hook her chair to the tie downs. She can now do what took me ten minutes in about 3! In my defense....I am not of the joystick generation:)
Allie continues to be physically healthy and has gone out a couple more times on her own, with the help of Jordan and Aurezu. She also went on a lunch date with Christopher with Adam along to help. Like any typical young adult any time out spent with friends is the best time. We've attended a couple college graduation parties and another concert. She is much more relaxed than before at these events and really enjoys herself. Most of her time is still spent at home, but her friends often join us for the occasional shopping, movie, dining out or a trip to get a manicure. They visit when they can and she cherishes the visits. Confident that Allie's condition is so much more stable, I've begun to get out more. More time spent with my husband or out with friends. Thanks to Auntie Vicky, Marsha, Anjel and of course Ron covering for me, I was able to go horse camping with Tricia and company and enjoyed some awesome riding and relaxation. I also spent a weekend with some very special friends for our annual get together. We stayed only minutes away as we did last year, but this year I stayed for both nights. Baby steps maybe, but great progress for both Allie and me. She likes it best when I am home with her. She worries less and is more comfortable. I worry less too. We both know though that it is important to trust others. And we are so very fortunate to have such a wonderful support team. As difficult as it may be sometimes, we both need a breather from one another once in a while.
So many improvements. Life has begun to take on a more positive rythmm of sorts. Can't say the rythmm is quite upbeat maybe not worth dancing too yet. Weekly (sometimes daily) I fight the never-ending fight with the insurance companies, and the vendors, etc. to see that my daughter gets the medical attention and supplies she needs. Currently, the battle is with the company that supplies her vents and some other respiratory equipment. We've been trying to get a suction machine and two portable batteries replaced now for two weeks! Both these items are life sustaining. If her one working suction machine was to suddenly stop working it would mean an immediate trip in an ambulance to an ER. It seems there is no end to these battles.
We are doing all we can to maintain her current healthy state and we continue to see her strength grow slowly. She has a wonderful team of doctors that keep close tabs on her. At home we keep her joints flexible, see she makes it to appts., takes her meds. These things we can easily do for her. We can't give her the thing she wants more than anything though....to breathe on her own, the use of her hands, to walk, to run, to talk above a whisper, to hug. Allie has had too many days lately where she's questioned whether she wants to continue living like this. For Ron and I, hearing this from our child is excruiating. Allie and I fight (like most mothers and daughters do at one time or another). The subject matter however, is not like most mothers and daughters. I feel powerless. I don't do powerless well, so can only imagine how Allie not so unlike me in many ways, copes with her level of disability. She's a fighter, she's tough and stubborn, but still I worry when she gets this down. So I argue, lose my patience, encourage and console. Still, I feel powerless to change how she feels. I cannot give her what she wants right now. We can still...pray, hope, envision her walking and laughing. Send our positive energy to those working on the cure. Stay up to speed on their progress. We know you're getting close. Please hurry.
So we will wait. Her time will come. In the meantime all of us here will do our best to enjoy our spot in paradise, the sunny weather, each other, the love and support of our family and friends. While not quite ready to go back to the rigors of school, Allie is looking into some other ways she can pass some time. She wants so to be "useful" in some way again. She wants to find a way to contribute. I've no doubt she will.
A giant thank you to Uncle Doug P. for the incredible amount of time and attention to detail he spent searching for the right motorhome that could be converted for Allie. Only to then spend an enormous amount more getting all the necessary modifications done for her. It's an incredible vehicle. Without this mode of transportation vacations for her would be virtually impossible. Our family has done a couple successful trial runs. The first with full hook-ups and the second without. There is much to think about and plan for, when one of your family members is dependent on a ventilator and restricted to a wheelchair. The trips were not without their challenges. In the end all went okay and a good time was had. Allie and I even have plans for a girls trip this coming weekend (wish us luck). Ashley, Jordan, Samantha and my friend Rosalie are joining us. Thank you Rosalie for agreeing to be our driver! The RV is a 34 foot Hurricane and the bedroom is fully equipped with a special bed for Al and an overhead lift. The "living room" has a bump-out so there's plenty of room for her to move around inside. It's a really tall lift to get her in the RV but the ramp that was installed is strong and safe. Extra outlets were installed in her room and a closet was removed to allow for an easier transfer from her chair. She's still a bit reluctant because going places sometimes only reminds her of what she can't do instead of what she can. In time we hope as her confidence grows, this will allow her to enjoy many adventures. Thank you again Uncle Doug -- we would have never been able to pull this off without all your help!!! And thank you to Pat and Hank for your assistance as well.
Best wishes to Uncle Doug H. He had surgery today for a leg broken while wake boarding. We love you. Speedy recovery to you. We will miss your Tuesday visits. You are the best. Thank you to Marsha for being such an awesome addition to our Team Allie. Thank you to my sisters for being the most amazing women, supportive sisters, aunts, and sisters-in law. My family is so very thankful for all you do for us. Thank you to all our friends for always being there for us. We love you all.
Thank you for listening. Stay safe.
Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah
Friday, April 22, 2011
Powerchair/Cal. Alliance update since last post
Received a call Wednesday from the Alliance. They've reconsidered and approved Allie's power chair. The Director that phoned was very sorry for what had transpired. Yay! Having this chair will be huge for Al.
As always, thank you all for your support and love. You truly do make the difference:)
As always, thank you all for your support and love. You truly do make the difference:)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Outraged!!!
Dear Family and Friends,
Mailed to Allie on April 1, 2011
from Central California Alliance for Health:
Notice of Action
About your treatment request
A Customized Power Wheelchair
This request is denied by the Alliance because:
On March 16, 2010 (think they meant 2011) the Alliance requested that National Seating & Mobility send more clincal documentation in regards to your medical history and your specific needs. Though National Seating & Mobility did send clincial information there are some parts of your history that the Alliance still needs clarification on in order to ensure your needs are met as appropriately as possible. Therefore, this power wheelchair request is currently denied.
To make a long and anger provoking story short, when Allie turned 21 the "pocket" overseeing payment of her medical supplies changed. So, although we have spent over a year working to get the necessary referrals and appointments in place so that she could trial the chair, and receive the correct prescription, so that it could finally be ordered...they now tell us we have to start over! They have no history on Allie she tells me. This is a very expensive chair, she tells me. We need her to see new doctors and new therapists in our area. Are you kidding me? The chair was prescribed by therapists at Valley Medical.....one of the leading spinal cord rehab facilities in the world. And I have boxes of medical reports and history I could send you describing my daughter's medical condition and history. Yeah, sorry my daughter's disability is such that her chair is a bit extreme compared to most. I guess that goes along with the fact that her injury is a bit extreme compared to most. In the latest conversation I had with this "case manager", I was informed that she could no longer talk with me, since Allie is an adult and apparently the POA I faxed to them was insufficient. I am completely outraged. I was wrong -- our health system is not broken -- it is criminal. My daughter has been sitting in an ill fitting manual chair for close to two years. Now they tell me, we have to start over. How is this cost effective? Sounds to me like somebody is spending a dollar to save a nickel. How can an entity that has "alliance for health" in its name, demonstrate such lack of compassion and concern for my daughter's physical as well as emotional state? How much longer will she be stuck in this dang chair! Isn't life tough enough?
On the upside Allie received the FES Bike she bought. After a few frustrating tries/adustments and a new seat cushion purchase, she is up and going. It's awesome to watch her legs move. The first time Auntie Vicky saw Allie using her bike, her reaction was the same as mine was when Al first used the bike at Valley Medical. Guess I'm not the only cry baby in the family :).We are excited at the positive impact this bike will have on her overall condition. Hopefully, soon she will have an opportunity to go to Dominican, to trial the upper body part of the bike.
We are enjoying the awesome weather. Allie passes her days by enjoying the sunshine, using her laptop, and now she has her bike to use. Her best times remain those spent when friends visit or the still all to rare occasion, when she gets to go out with them. She looks forward to the frequent visits from her uncle, aunts, and cousins. Connor, his mom and sister made it over for a visit a couple of weeks ago. It was great to see them. We wish they lived closer or that it was easier for Al to travel.
Allie and Marsha are getting along great. Once again I feel so lucky to have yet another awesome person in my daughter's life. It is comforting to know that Allie has someone we both respect and trust, not just as a caregiver, but as a friend to talk to, especially when my exhaustion, frustration and sadness get the best of me and my patience has run out (not to mention my back).
We continue to pray for Allie's breath. I visualize her walking. I dream of her laughing outloud. We believe in my daughter's recovery. We believe in the efforts of those working to find the cure. I just wish some things didn't have to be so difficult in the meantime.
Thank you for listening, for your prayers, for your love and support. Please continue to visualize my baby girl's recovery.
In closing, our thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of Kirsten Wetterhorn, a young woman from our valley who was just lost to us in an auto accident. I wish I knew words that could bring comfort in this their darkest time. Please know our hearts ache from your tragic loss.
Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah
Mailed to Allie on April 1, 2011
from Central California Alliance for Health:
Notice of Action
About your treatment request
A Customized Power Wheelchair
This request is denied by the Alliance because:
On March 16, 2010 (think they meant 2011) the Alliance requested that National Seating & Mobility send more clincal documentation in regards to your medical history and your specific needs. Though National Seating & Mobility did send clincial information there are some parts of your history that the Alliance still needs clarification on in order to ensure your needs are met as appropriately as possible. Therefore, this power wheelchair request is currently denied.
To make a long and anger provoking story short, when Allie turned 21 the "pocket" overseeing payment of her medical supplies changed. So, although we have spent over a year working to get the necessary referrals and appointments in place so that she could trial the chair, and receive the correct prescription, so that it could finally be ordered...they now tell us we have to start over! They have no history on Allie she tells me. This is a very expensive chair, she tells me. We need her to see new doctors and new therapists in our area. Are you kidding me? The chair was prescribed by therapists at Valley Medical.....one of the leading spinal cord rehab facilities in the world. And I have boxes of medical reports and history I could send you describing my daughter's medical condition and history. Yeah, sorry my daughter's disability is such that her chair is a bit extreme compared to most. I guess that goes along with the fact that her injury is a bit extreme compared to most. In the latest conversation I had with this "case manager", I was informed that she could no longer talk with me, since Allie is an adult and apparently the POA I faxed to them was insufficient. I am completely outraged. I was wrong -- our health system is not broken -- it is criminal. My daughter has been sitting in an ill fitting manual chair for close to two years. Now they tell me, we have to start over. How is this cost effective? Sounds to me like somebody is spending a dollar to save a nickel. How can an entity that has "alliance for health" in its name, demonstrate such lack of compassion and concern for my daughter's physical as well as emotional state? How much longer will she be stuck in this dang chair! Isn't life tough enough?
On the upside Allie received the FES Bike she bought. After a few frustrating tries/adustments and a new seat cushion purchase, she is up and going. It's awesome to watch her legs move. The first time Auntie Vicky saw Allie using her bike, her reaction was the same as mine was when Al first used the bike at Valley Medical. Guess I'm not the only cry baby in the family :).We are excited at the positive impact this bike will have on her overall condition. Hopefully, soon she will have an opportunity to go to Dominican, to trial the upper body part of the bike.
We are enjoying the awesome weather. Allie passes her days by enjoying the sunshine, using her laptop, and now she has her bike to use. Her best times remain those spent when friends visit or the still all to rare occasion, when she gets to go out with them. She looks forward to the frequent visits from her uncle, aunts, and cousins. Connor, his mom and sister made it over for a visit a couple of weeks ago. It was great to see them. We wish they lived closer or that it was easier for Al to travel.
Allie and Marsha are getting along great. Once again I feel so lucky to have yet another awesome person in my daughter's life. It is comforting to know that Allie has someone we both respect and trust, not just as a caregiver, but as a friend to talk to, especially when my exhaustion, frustration and sadness get the best of me and my patience has run out (not to mention my back).
We continue to pray for Allie's breath. I visualize her walking. I dream of her laughing outloud. We believe in my daughter's recovery. We believe in the efforts of those working to find the cure. I just wish some things didn't have to be so difficult in the meantime.
Thank you for listening, for your prayers, for your love and support. Please continue to visualize my baby girl's recovery.
In closing, our thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of Kirsten Wetterhorn, a young woman from our valley who was just lost to us in an auto accident. I wish I knew words that could bring comfort in this their darkest time. Please know our hearts ache from your tragic loss.
Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah
Monday, February 28, 2011
Ditching mom and loving it!
Dear Family and Friends,
The past month things have continued to move in the right direction for Allie. Ron and I watched with excitement, and I'd be fibbing if I didn't admit to a bit of fear, mixed with an incredible amount of pride in our daughter and her friends, as she went off with without either of us, for the first time in almost two years. The week prior we had a "trial run" when Ron, Anjel, Uncle Doug and I took Allie to meet a group of her friends at a restaurant. Allie went off with Jordan to meet the group and have dinner at one end of the place while we enjoyed our dinner on the other side. We didn't see her again until we'd finished dinner and went outside to find her safely loaded up in her van and ready to go. "My friends want to show you that they can safely take me places without you" she tells me, with a grin on her face. So, when later that night Allie shared with me her plans to go out with Jordan the following weekend, I responded with the non-commital "we'll see". My daughter responded with something about it being time and if she couldn't have even this small resembalance of her former life then what, she asked, was the point? "I love you mom but I'm ready to ditch ya."
So began the conversations with myself for the next few days. Allie's 21 and is a smart young woman, I told myself. She's a survior and does a good job of looking after those that are responsible for looking after her. She is extremely in tune with her body and is all to aware of the signs that warn her that something is going wrong. Jordan is a competent, sharp and loving friend. She's seen Al at the worst of times and is familiar with her care. Allie deserves whatever quality of life she can find for herself. So when Jordan, Josh and Melissa showed up that weekend ready to go, I told myself it was time for me to let go. Jordan and I went over a few things and they were off. Because, I trust Jordan as much as I do I wasn't quite as crazy with worry as I thought I might be. I did have directions to her house and will admit to having some errands to run near there for a couple of hours :) We kept in touch via texts and it was clear from the smart alec messages I was getting, that Allie was having a teriffic time. Allie felt so loved and lucky to have a friend like Jordan who was willing to step up and take on such responsibility. They delivered her home safe and sound with a giant smile on her face. Thank you guys you are the absolute best!
Another one of Allie's goals has been to make it back to Valley Medical for Physical Therapy and to finally try an FES bike. Like the true athlete my daughter is, she successfully passed her FES Bike trial and we have ordered her one of her own. Unfortunately, the wait for delivery is 4 - 6 weeks but knowing she's going to be able to exercise at home on a regular basis is a huge boost to her morale. The bike as I've mentioned before has many health benefits not the least of which is blood circulation and the ability to build and maintain muscle.
So most days are better. Nights are still more sleepless than restful -- but better. The nature of Allie's injury doesn't lend itself to long periods of sleep. Not with the constant suctioning and repositioning. Allie has given up wearing both the tubi grips and teds on her legs that had been used to help prevent the blood dropping to her feet and thus contributing to the possibility of her passing out when getting up for the day. Another sign that her body is adjusting well to its current condition.
Every day we count our many blessings, but still this life we are living is a hard one. Every member of my family feels deeply the difficult challenges in our everyday life. We still mourn for the way things use to be. The freedoms, the lightheartedness, the sort of safe and simple state of mind we enjoyed never having even imagined such an extreme change was in our future. But, mostly our hearts continue to just plain ache. For no matter how much things have changed for us personally, we know that Allie deals with a million times more.
And deal with it she does. The other night Allie confided in me that things aren't all bad anymore. Hearing your daughter tell you that things in her life aren't all bad isn't exactly a mother's dream come true. In Allie's case though, I think it's a huge step. Last week she posted on her Facebook for the second time a picture of herself post accident. She also included pics from the hospital when she was in her halo and xrays of her neck. She does and always has possessed a remarkable strength.
On Saturday Allie went for her first tattoo. Accompanied by her possee, "team Allie" consisting of Jordan, Ashley, Samantha, Anjel, John and me. She now has the word "Believe" on her right foot. I think that about says it all!
A couple special thank you's first to Sandra and the rest of the Jensen family for the thoughtful letter, prayers and gift card, and to Laurey Shumaker for the card, prayer and CD. Sista Monica has been a favorite of Ron and mine for a long time. How cool that you got to sing with her! The CD is awesome and it is very special to be able to share this music with Allie who does enjoy a wide variety. Thank you to Jessica R. for always remembering Allie with your notes and cards. And thank you to the best family and friends anyone could ever wish for.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.
Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah
The past month things have continued to move in the right direction for Allie. Ron and I watched with excitement, and I'd be fibbing if I didn't admit to a bit of fear, mixed with an incredible amount of pride in our daughter and her friends, as she went off with without either of us, for the first time in almost two years. The week prior we had a "trial run" when Ron, Anjel, Uncle Doug and I took Allie to meet a group of her friends at a restaurant. Allie went off with Jordan to meet the group and have dinner at one end of the place while we enjoyed our dinner on the other side. We didn't see her again until we'd finished dinner and went outside to find her safely loaded up in her van and ready to go. "My friends want to show you that they can safely take me places without you" she tells me, with a grin on her face. So, when later that night Allie shared with me her plans to go out with Jordan the following weekend, I responded with the non-commital "we'll see". My daughter responded with something about it being time and if she couldn't have even this small resembalance of her former life then what, she asked, was the point? "I love you mom but I'm ready to ditch ya."
So began the conversations with myself for the next few days. Allie's 21 and is a smart young woman, I told myself. She's a survior and does a good job of looking after those that are responsible for looking after her. She is extremely in tune with her body and is all to aware of the signs that warn her that something is going wrong. Jordan is a competent, sharp and loving friend. She's seen Al at the worst of times and is familiar with her care. Allie deserves whatever quality of life she can find for herself. So when Jordan, Josh and Melissa showed up that weekend ready to go, I told myself it was time for me to let go. Jordan and I went over a few things and they were off. Because, I trust Jordan as much as I do I wasn't quite as crazy with worry as I thought I might be. I did have directions to her house and will admit to having some errands to run near there for a couple of hours :) We kept in touch via texts and it was clear from the smart alec messages I was getting, that Allie was having a teriffic time. Allie felt so loved and lucky to have a friend like Jordan who was willing to step up and take on such responsibility. They delivered her home safe and sound with a giant smile on her face. Thank you guys you are the absolute best!
Another one of Allie's goals has been to make it back to Valley Medical for Physical Therapy and to finally try an FES bike. Like the true athlete my daughter is, she successfully passed her FES Bike trial and we have ordered her one of her own. Unfortunately, the wait for delivery is 4 - 6 weeks but knowing she's going to be able to exercise at home on a regular basis is a huge boost to her morale. The bike as I've mentioned before has many health benefits not the least of which is blood circulation and the ability to build and maintain muscle.
So most days are better. Nights are still more sleepless than restful -- but better. The nature of Allie's injury doesn't lend itself to long periods of sleep. Not with the constant suctioning and repositioning. Allie has given up wearing both the tubi grips and teds on her legs that had been used to help prevent the blood dropping to her feet and thus contributing to the possibility of her passing out when getting up for the day. Another sign that her body is adjusting well to its current condition.
Every day we count our many blessings, but still this life we are living is a hard one. Every member of my family feels deeply the difficult challenges in our everyday life. We still mourn for the way things use to be. The freedoms, the lightheartedness, the sort of safe and simple state of mind we enjoyed never having even imagined such an extreme change was in our future. But, mostly our hearts continue to just plain ache. For no matter how much things have changed for us personally, we know that Allie deals with a million times more.
And deal with it she does. The other night Allie confided in me that things aren't all bad anymore. Hearing your daughter tell you that things in her life aren't all bad isn't exactly a mother's dream come true. In Allie's case though, I think it's a huge step. Last week she posted on her Facebook for the second time a picture of herself post accident. She also included pics from the hospital when she was in her halo and xrays of her neck. She does and always has possessed a remarkable strength.
On Saturday Allie went for her first tattoo. Accompanied by her possee, "team Allie" consisting of Jordan, Ashley, Samantha, Anjel, John and me. She now has the word "Believe" on her right foot. I think that about says it all!
A couple special thank you's first to Sandra and the rest of the Jensen family for the thoughtful letter, prayers and gift card, and to Laurey Shumaker for the card, prayer and CD. Sista Monica has been a favorite of Ron and mine for a long time. How cool that you got to sing with her! The CD is awesome and it is very special to be able to share this music with Allie who does enjoy a wide variety. Thank you to Jessica R. for always remembering Allie with your notes and cards. And thank you to the best family and friends anyone could ever wish for.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring.
Love, Peace & Happiness,
Deborah
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